So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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