Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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