i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
