Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
