I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
