Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
