Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
