We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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