im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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