Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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