I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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