OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
