Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
