i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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