The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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