The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
