the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
