I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I didn't notice because vodka
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
