I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
