I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
