Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
