so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
