I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
