I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
