franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
