This is not my ceiling
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
