I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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