I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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