I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
