He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
