ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
