"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
