dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
