He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
