can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
