No awkward lesbian experiences without me
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
