There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
