Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
