it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
