he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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