I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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