Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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