Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
