atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
