remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
