Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
