Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
