i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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