so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
