Can i not drive my cunt home
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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